Wednesday, September 25, 2013

The Collector

The Collector

Victoria Scott


Dante Walker is a self-absorbed prick who is one of hell's best soul collectors. He gets to assigned to collect Charlie Cooper's soul, he has 10 days. He doesn't know why the big guy downstairs wants Charlie, nor does he care. Getting her gets him a permanent ticket out of hell. Then Dante meets said Charlie, and the "quirky Nerd Alert chick," and realizes that the assignment is going to test his abilities and uncover emotions he's buried oh-so-deep in his shallow, shallow soul.

Ok. I'm not going to lie. The blurb on Goodreads didn't sound as bad. I was actually thinking this could be one of those quick, funny reads.  I was all excited when I FINALLY got it.  Then I got like 2 chapters in and was like:

I couldn't even finish it. I literally got sooo angry I had to put it down. Like serious rage mad. Like…. veins bulging on my forehead mad.

Seriously. I hate all the characters in this book. EVERY-FREAKIN-ONE!

Like... I don't even.... I'm not even... just AUGH!

First there is the male lead/love interest/resident dickhead, Dante. I've never wanted to kill a character in a book with my bare hands quite as much as wanted to kill him. 

I'm not sure that there are enough insulting words to adequately describe Dante. So we'll just say he's a shallow, self-absorbed prick who has serious ego issues, making him possibly the world's biggest ass.
Don't get me wrong. I love a bad guy (hello, Daemon Black!?). Dante is not a bad guy. He's just that asshat who wants to be and thinks if he's a ginormous enough dick to everyone they'll cower in his glorious wake.

Seriously, lets look at a few choice quotes/thoughts:

Shit he thinks about himself:

“I glance in the mirror. Surprise, surprise—I look finger-lickin’ delicious.”

"I came as Awesome Sauce," I say. "You probably wouldn't recognize it.”

"You don't know who you're fucking with, princess. Ain't no one do bad like I do.”

Shit he thinks about Charlie and her friends:

“My eyes widen at the sight of her. This is the girl Boss Man is after? She looks like a porcelain doll…beat three times with an ugly stick.”

“Her wavy hair falls to mid-waist, and I think how she looks better this way. From the back.”

“Dante, this is Annabelle.”
No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is…beastly. “Annabelle,” I say. “It suits you.”

and THEN, what he thinks about people who think the same way he does about Charlie:

“How can someone be cruel to this chick? It’s like picking a fight with a chipmunk.”

How in the hell can he get mad at everyone else for doing and thinking the SAME SHIT HE DOES?!?!  Oh what?  It's okay because he doesn't straight up say it to her face.  It's not because he's not that mean.  It's just because he wants her to THINK he's a good guy so he can seal her soul.

I promise you.  If he didn't have something to gain by not being a jackass, he'd be right there with the rest of them.

I do not feel like for one minute it’s a change of heart thing with him. It's more like possessive bullying. She's his to torment, no one else’s.

I don't find the shit he says and/or thinks to be funny.  Not to mention the way it's delivered.  I felt like I needed a Douche-bag to English dictionary.

And I don't like Charlie either. Her naivety is just soooo F$*@ing annoying. She believes everything Dante tells her. Everything. She trusts everyone, even AFTER they have proven themselves completely UNTRUSTWORTHY. This has a lot to do with why she falls for the asinine pranks that the so-called “popular crowd” keep pulling on her OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Then the whole, I'll sign my soul away to the devil so I can be pretty and that way Dante can love me. ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME?!

First of all, great lesson for little girls. If a man doesn't love you, sell your soul to the devil and get pretty, and then, and only then, can he love you in return. Who you are has absolutely no merit. None.

Secondly, WHO in their right mind would WANT to date a dude like Dante. I know, I know.  They are out there.  But WHY??? He's so obsessed with himself that he's just annoying. I'm all for self confidence, but Jesus.

I can only handle so many "I'm god's gift to women" epilogues, and it's not like he is really a nice guy with an ego complex.  Nothing about Dante is like-able. If he was the last man on Earth and I had to procreate with him to save the human race, humans would go extinct. No question.

The parts of the book I managed to get through just left me feeling ick. Like I felt like a bad person just for reading something so disgusting. Not to mention the serious rage rants my friends and family had to endure after I finally gave up.

I wouldn't recommend this book for anyone, especially young girls. To me it basically said that if you are having self-esteem issues because of whatever, it's because you ARE whatever, and you need to change that, or accept that you will never be anything special.

It also suggested that it's perfectly normal for someone to be rude, demeaning, controlling, demanding, and a general ass to you in a relationship. Like that's the sacrifice you have to make to be loved. BULLSHIT! 

I hate books like this. I really, really do. I think you get that. So I'm going to step down off my soapbox here and I'll just say go out and find a book with a REAL heroine in it. Don't look up to Charlie. Look up to a woman who is strong, and independent, and comfortable with herself regardless of what she looks like, no matter how tall/fat/short/skinny/pimply/whatever she is. One who demands respect and doesn't try to change herself for some guy and doesn't settle for some guy just because he showed her a little attention. There are plenty of good, strong female characters in sooo many books.